well the ultrasound showed absolutely nothing. i’m pretty sure the majority of things were lost yesterday, as it was the most painful day with the most bleeding and clots…the dr still had me take the blood test to make sure my numbers are going down like they should be. if not, i’ll have to get a d&c, but we’re hoping that i can finish on my own.

i still don’t know what to feel…i thought for sure seeing the u/s would help bring closure, but i still don’t feel i can cry it all out yet. i don’t know what i’m waiting for. please pray for me, as i don’t want to keep this in me and not let it be real.

he said i can “try” again after a full cycle. he said if i wanted, i could count this is a cycle, but i’m not going to. he also said my body is very healthy, and it’s good that it expelled this because it means my body is working and knows what’s going on. he is assuming it was an empty sac and that no embryo ever made it in there. i’m not sure what i think about that…in a way it makes me feel better knowing that no real life was lost. in another it makes me feel horrible about mourning over nothing. i don’t really know what i’m supposed to feel.

please keep praying for me. i think i’m still in a state of shock or denial of some sort. thank you for your prayers and support.

5 thoughts on “results

  1. The pregnancy I lost between the girls was like that… It showed an empty sac… (We didn’t know each other yet then…)

    You just have to give yourself some time. You can’t feel better this quickly… At least I never could. (The time around the due date will be HARD too.)

    Love you.

  2. Don’t try to hold yourself to some expected pattern of grieving. You feel what you feel and there’s nothing wrong with that! One day at a time! Hugs and prayers.

  3. I experienced this as well – positive pregnancy test, spotting within weeks, and an ultra sound revealing an empty sac… heavier bleeding/clots etc. I don’t know if there ever was an embryo there or not, but I do know that I did not grieve this nearly as much as the one I lost at 4 months along.
    In that case I had seen a living developing baby on 2 ultra sounds. I had heard the heartbeat on two doctor visits. And when the bleeding started they did another ultrasound and everything looked ok in the womb. However, within a week I actually went through a moderate labor and delivered an intact sac with perfectly developed tiny baby inside it.. labor type pains continued and several hours later I delivered a placenta (along with a gush of blood) sorry! We went to the ER where I was checked by my doctor and he examined all the contents (which I brought in with me) and said everything looked complete (and normal.) No D&C was required. Pathology report came back indicating everything was normal as well… no defects in the fetus and no reason found for the death. This one really HURT – it broke my heart (and yet it fascinated me at the same time) to see a real tiny baby!

    But the time with the positive pregnancy test, and then the subsequent spotting which became heavier, and the ultra sound showing no presence of a fetus – this was much easier to take because I never saw a baby there. I think sometimes our bodies do some peculiar things. On this occasion I continued to bleed and bleed and there was nothing seen on US so eventually they did have me come in for a D&C on that one. (Not bad – the worst part was getting an IV and being put to sleep – this was the first time I’ve been put to sleep.) Once I woke up, I was able to go home and for several days after, just had what could be compared to a light period.

    Our bodies are pretty well equipped to take care of things like this, and when something goes awry, our body knows and tends to itself, to restore things to normal. Hopefully yours will do so. If it does, you should see a gradual lessening of the period like symptoms. If they persist and/or get worse, then you may need that D&C.. but don’t fear it. It was out-patient and I was away from the house for about 4 hours. When I came home, I was perfectly alright to go about my business. I was just told to take it easy for a little bit to get over the anesthesia.
    I hope this information helps a little bit.

    Each person is different and reacts differently. Until I actually SAW those babies, I was little suspect that they really existed! 🙂 So it always took that first ultrasound for it take hold fully, that there was really a baby there! There was a sadness at the sight of the empty sac.. but not the same sadness and sorrow and grief as for the one I saw and heard growing in the womb, who suddenly and unexpected died at about 16 weeks along.

    Hugs to you girlie!
    I hope everything goes smoothly and your body is able to restore itself without medical intervention. And remember – GOD KNOWS BEST.

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