Becoming Numb

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i have to say this has not been a good few weeks. first jerry and his heart problems. we still haven’t bought any life insurance either and now i am scared.

the other day a precious baby girl from one of the boards i go to died. she wasn’t a totally healthy baby, but she has been through miracle after miracle, so i think we all just held out hope that the Lord would continue to perform miracles in her life. but He had other plans. i have been bawling off and on since finding out. please pray for the mom and dad as they are of course devastated. they are the dans, if you could mention their names in your prayers.

then today, as i’m still grieving for the little girl, i find out a member of another board i go to has died suddenly after a car accident. she was a wife and mother of four under 11. click her photo for more info.

i don’t know what to think or what to feel. i feel as though i am walking in some sort of emotional fog. but even in it, i can feel something dark. something evil and heavy, like it’s almost an actual living person. i don’t know if it has anything to do with halloween. this is the first year i have actually considered letting the boys go trick or treating. i am not going to, just as i won’t pass out candy. this is just a personal conviction, and i’m not budging until i see something scriptural that ‘okays’ such a thing. if our church has a fall festival or something, we’ll take the boys there, but other than that, we’ll probably just dress them up as cute animals or something.
i really don’t know what i’m saying. i don’t know why halloween would have a stronger hold this year other than years before. or maybe it’s always like this around this time and i never realized it. maybe it’s because i am in prayer more. maybe it’s because i have two little ones. maybe i’m just more attune to spiritual things right now. who knows. but something just feels wrong. i honestly don’t think these two deaths are connected to this dark feeling, but it just makes the grief so much stronger and more accute.

please pray for these families and just pray against the powers of darkness. they are real, but Jesus has power over them, and so do we in Jesus’ name!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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