i feel so sick to my stomach this morning. it’s going to be a nasty period, i can tell. it’s strange though – in the middle of the night, when i had to pee for the thousandth time (no, that’s normal for me), there was no blood on my panties, but when i wiped there was a tiny bit of blood. so i put a pad on and took something, expecting to start by morning. nope, same thing – just a tiny bit of watered-down blood when i wipe. what does that mean?
i’m just so sick. i am sick of periods that mean nothing. all my life since i started my period, i thought, well at least this means i’m fertile. at least i know i’ll be able to be a mama. my periods have always been brutal to me emotionally and physically. i have major blood loss every time, and it wreaks havoc on my emotions. so there was something to look forward to. now, what is it besides a sign that man (and woman, more precisely) is cursed. sigh. yes, as you can tell, i’m in a down mood.
i’m also in a bummy mood because i was going to convert my joyful noise ring over to a clique, i was just waiting for my blinkies to come, then i see someone else has made a joyful noise clique. 🙁 i planned to expand my idea from the ring, which is for those who love to praise the Lord with singing and music, to people like that but also allow people who just love praise music. i fall under both categories. i am going to talk with the owner. maybe we can do it together or maybe i’ll just keep mine a ring and use the blinkies for the ring. i don’t know. but in this mood it looks even more discouraging than it is. 🙁
i’m doing a thing jen was doing yesterday. i was going to post the funny from breastfeeding.com but i’m too depressed now. if it was hubbys who can be pregnant, we’d probably be pregnant by now. sigh.
I am exhausted, depressed and emotional
I think too much
I know i’m being a baby
I want a baby
I have to get pregnant
I wish i was pregnant
I hate periods
I miss holding children
I fear never being a mama
I hear jerry in the shower
I wonder when i’ll finally have children
I regret not discovering what was wrong sooner
I love Jesus, jerry, my family and friends
I ache for a baby
I care about my family
I always hug my hubby
I am not into football
I dance with my hubby sometimes
I sing all the time, in church and at home
I cry alot
I do not want to be childless
I fight depression
I write with my keyboard, a pencil or a black ink pen
I win not very often
I lose my hope sometimes
I confuse myself
I listen to Christian music all the time
I can code my html pages from scratch
I need a job
I am bored and lonely
I should eat breakfast
ok not the best time to do it right? i’ll try it again next week.
keep me in your prayers please.