No real words

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i am trying to digest all of this about my grampa. i don’t know quite what words to use, because i don’t fully understand all that’s happening.
(first of all, he is still alive, so don’t read into things!)
as you remember, he went into the hospital with weakness as well as a very sore and useless left arm. that was last friday.
we found out he has a small lump of cancer in his left lung, as well as a few dots in his right lung, and perhaps in his lymphnodes between his lungs. we also discovered that at some point in the past month or so (guessing) he had a stroke that affected his left side.
now, a week later, he cannot walk, feed himself, and he is in depends. partly because of the hospital staff’s lack of care for him (and they are understaffed) partly because we believe he had a SECOND stroke that’s affecting his RIGHT side. we have been told his cancer is terminal, but if we want to treat it we can. but the stroke is more important to take care of right now.
it’s really strange, because the dr who should be concerned with the stroke is concerned with the cancer, and vice versa. we really are confused with the whole thing.
he is returning home tomorrow, and we have mixed emotions about it, if i’m going to be honest. i want him home with those who love him, i want him here to get better, i want him to see kc and remember we love him and he still has more to live for, i want him to realize his humanity and come to the Lord….but the selfish, human side of me knows how much strain him being home will be.
he can’t use a urinal on his own.
he can’t feed himself.
he can’t even get out of bed!
jerry is working a lot now, plus he’s getting a new job (praise!) but will be working both jobs for quite a while. he will be too afraid to work overtime for either job, because he already doesn’t want me to take on this huge responsibility. i mean, it was hard BEFORE when grampa could at least walk.
i just really need prayer. we really need prayer. grampa really needs prayer. i’m not even getting into the whole deal right now, because i’m way too tired….jeremiah is still not 100% so he’s having trouble with his sleep patterns…jerry is feeding him right now, but i am BEAT.
all for now…
love,

This Post Has 68 Comments

  1. Thia 16 May 2004 Reply

    Jenn, I really am sorry. Taking your grandfather back into your
    Jenn, I really am sorry. Taking your grandfather back into your home is going to be one of the hardest things you have done, but years from now, you won’t regret it. Ask the hospital what support they can provide. Usually people being released are entitled to some visits from a nurse. Ask around at church, people may have ideas and if nothing else you will hopefully get some support. If the cancer is not treatable or treatments don’t work, don’t overlook hospice either. I will be praying for you. Remember to take care of yourself otherwise you won’t be able to take care of anyone else. I will be praying. HUgs

  2. Julie 16 May 2004 Reply

    Jenn,

    Sorry to hear about your grandpa. I can imagine how har
    Jenn,

    Sorry to hear about your grandpa. I can imagine how hard it would be to care for him… Is there some way you can get a nurse, or caretaker to help?

    I will pray for his salvation…

    Hugs
    Julie

  3. Jen 16 May 2004 Reply

    i am so sorry about your grandpa. i will pray that he gets well
    i am so sorry about your grandpa. i will pray that he gets well soon! i totally understand your frustration. i wish i lived near, so i could help out. that is great that jerry got a new job! hang in there. you all will be in my prayers 🙂
    xoxoxoxo
    <3jen&adriana

  4. Candi 17 May 2004 Reply

    I am so so sorry Jenn. I don’t know what to say.
    I am so so sorry Jenn. I don’t know what to say. I can not imagine how you must feel. Torn feelings of wanting to take care of your Grandpa and being a new mommy and wanting to focus your attention on your little guy 🙁 Hang in there sweetie!

  5. Manda 17 May 2004 Reply

    Jenn, I am so sorry to hear about all of this.
    Jenn, I am so sorry to hear about all of this. I can’t imagine the pressure you must be feeling. Whatever you do be sure to take time for yourself. Maybe set up an arrangment to have someone stay with Grandpa one night a week. I just don’t know. Remember, you are in my prayers.

  6. maricar 17 May 2004 Reply

    I’m sorry to hear about your grampa Jenn.
    I’m sorry to hear about your grampa Jenn. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers. ((hugs))

  7. MaryBeth 18 May 2004 Reply

    Miss you too bunny girl- so sorry about the stress your under.
    Miss you too bunny girl- so sorry about the stress your under. THe thing to think of is are you and Jerry more understaffed than the hospital now~ Can you (and it would be you) care for Jeremiah and Granpa right now- dont feel guily if after prayer and consideration you decide that the hospital and long visits from loving suppotive family are whats best for Grandpa. I will pray for you too- I hope little (or should I say Big) Jeremiah is continueing to improve. What a little Cutie- I love his site- I wish I has more time to post about my boys- heck I wish I had more time with them, but I did manage an update at my site, thier site and new pictures too (the “my boys” link on my site). Also EMAIL ADDRESS is one I can access finally. Bear Hugz, Prayers , and Love

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