My friend and fellow infertility struggler Manda talked about this on her site, and I feel I should do the same.
Even if you think you’re being kind and sensitive, some things come out wrong, or can at least be received wrong!
I found out the pregnant woman who works in the infant room (next door to me in the toddler room) had tried a whole year before she got pregnant. Wow. I never knew. I jealously assumed it had “just happened.”
Sometimes I get so caught up in myself I forget that I’m not the only one who is dealing with infertility.
Did you know that 1 in 8 couples will experience infertility at some point in their life? That is a staggering statistic! But, as we know, infertility isn’t just a number.
It’s a scarlet letter branded with fire, searing with pain. And one wrong look, or one wrong word, can send a woman going through infertility into a tailspin.
Manda shared a few questions that I’d like to answer – my replies to people’s insensitive (or just plain ignorant) comments.
So, 5 things you should NOT say to someone experiencing Infertility.
1. “I wouldn’t give up my twenties for ANYTHING. I can’t believe you are stressing about infertility at 25 (a few years ago)! What if God wants you to wait until you are twenty-eight?”
First of all, I have always wanted to be a mother. I wanted to begin my family when we first got married. Financially, Jerry didn’t think it was wise, so we used birth control the first year. I stopped after that because I felt so convicted about it.
Still, for a while after we COULDN’T get pregnant, I thought that God was punishing us for not trusting in Him to plan our family. I have since reconciled this. I do not think our Father works that way. Anyway, children are blessings from the Lord. Why would I not want to be blessed?Anyway, children are blessings from the Lord.Click To Tweet
2. “Be glad you don’t have kids right now. Kids can be such MONSTERS.” or “You’ll never want kids again, after watching mine.” Or this is one I get all the time: “You can have my kids if you want some so badly.”
As if kids are always perfect, and I should expect perfection. No, kids are humans, just like us. I don’t expect your kids to behave wonderfully for me. And NO I don’t want YOUR child, I want MY child, from an infant, to love and teach as I want him to be raised! And lastly, how can you talk about your child so flippantly? How sad. Some people actually speak that way in front of their children!! 🙁
3. “If you just stop trying, you’ll get pregnant right away.”
Ummm, that is NOT how infertility works! “Trying too hard” causes stress, which can’t help, but it won’t change infertility. Infertility is just like a sickness – it has to be treated, not ignored!!
4. “Why don’t you just adopt? There are plenty of kids in the world who need parents.”
I know this is true, and I have always had adoption on my heart. However, many couples are not willing to adopt, for whatever reason, and to say that to them is insensitive to their feelings. It’s making them feel guilty about their desire to have a child by birth.
5. “You just need to have more faith. If you really believed you’ll be a parent, God would bless you.”
*Blink* You probably won’t believe me, but we lost a friend over this. She separated herself from us because she felt we were not faithful enough to become pregnant, so we must not be in close enough fellowship to the Lord. Do you know how hurtful, judgmental and heartless such a claim is?! Do not EVER say this to someone if you want to have a continued friendship with them.
How about you? What are some crazy comments you have had said to you?