When I started to write this article, I was full of negativity. I hated myself. I disliked how I thought I was being treated by my husband, that my kids were not listening, and I just was down in a deep root of depression. So low, that the swirl of negativity and the continual beating up of myself wasn’t stopping.
I felt trapped. I wasn’t responding to sermons or the Bible. I had come to a point where I actually didn’t know what to feel and then my period came on top of that! Phew, it was chaos!I had come to a point where I actually didn't know what to feel @lizzybee215 #imperfectmom Click To Tweet
On Sunday, I knew I was about to cave farther than I had ever caved before if I didn’t release all that was inside of me. I didn’t want to spew it on my family. After thinking about it, I realized I hadn’t gone out in awhile and I decided that I better do that. So I told my husband I needed to go out and hung out with my Mom for about 3 hours.
It was the most freeing thing I could have done!
In my brain I worked out where my struggles laid. And it wasn’t about my husband. It wasn’t about the kids. It wasn’t about the house. It was about me.
I found out that one of the biggest things I hadn’t done fully throughout my Christian life was FINALLY LOVING THE PERSON GOD CREATED ME TO BE!
Oh, at times I thought I did, but in the end, I realized I really hadn’t. It was all a facade. This time the thing is deeper than just outward, it’s inward. I don’t know about you, but trying to love myself at all can be a hard thing to do, especially when all my imperfections and weakness stick out. And especially when Christians talk about sacrificing yourself.
We really can take that too far.
But, as I was reading both my Bible and Body Clutter, and battling the issue of should I or should I not take care of myself fully, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to take care of everyone else if I couldn’t even figure out how to take care of myself. How can I help my daughter take care of her hair if I just leave mine to do whatever it wants? How can I help a woman who doesn’t feel healthy and show her the nutrition that she needs, when I am not even paying attention to my own?
So I went out. I decided I was going to love the person God created me to be by taking care of my body and starting to think of myself as a child created by a God who loves me (which I thought I was doing all along, but apparently not).
I decided I would buy myself a hair clip.
It sounds silly I know, but that was just a start on my journey, and since my Mom was with me and needed some hair conditioner and supplies, I decided I better do the same.
For some reason, just me thinking I should do this made me feel beautiful.
It was like a piece of ugly got knocked down, and the smiling princess underneath showed just a little.
From now on, first thing in the morning, I’m going to take the time to take care of me by doing my hair the way I like it, combed through and twisted into a line up the back of my head, fastened with a nice clip.
It’s amazing how just how that one small thing can change my heart. It actually gets me excited to see what I should do next (I actually do have in mind what I need to do next while I go through this healing process, but that is for another time).
I think as imperfect moms we tend to judge ourselves instead of seeing the precious things we are in Christ. Not that we shouldn’t work through our sins, but we should also see the things God has gifted us in.I think as #imperfectmoms we judge ourselves instead of seeing who we are in Christ @lizzybee215 Click To Tweet
Usually it’s through the comments we have heard growing up and the things maybe even told to us by our own husbands that have broken us before. But we need to forget (and forgive) those things said to us and start today to look at ourselves differently. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, it matters what our Father thinks (yes, that may sound cliche, but it is totally true and I am finally getting it!).It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, it matters what our Father thinks lizzybee215 #imperfectmom Click To Tweet
And that is really hard to swallow if you are like me. I am just moving out of the darkness. What will it take for you to do the same?
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Psalm 139: 13-15
Be inspired today and, when you get a chance, read all of Psalm 139!
About the Author:
Elizabeth Buckner is a wife and homeschool Mom to four children ages 10, 8, 6 and 6 and a blogger. She enjoys writing, reading, being with her family, exercising and learning. Sometimes she gets a few crafts in there, too, when she is highly motivated. Her heart is to essentially to grow closer to God and be all He created her to be, encouraging others around her to do the same. Find her on Facebook, Pinterest, orTwitter.
A note from Jenn: Elizabeth’s post made me think of Fransesca Battistelli’s song He Knows My Name, and I found an extended version video with several women’s stories told, in support of Mercy Ministries. It’s really beautiful, and if you have a couple minutes, I’d love for you to check it out! You will be blessed.