some of you who know me have been here from the beginning of my journey. from even before i was ttc. others of you came somewhere in the middle, and others still are fairly new friends.
but those of you who know me know that my babies mean everything to me. i have gone through MUCH in my pregnancies, and i would (and am LOL) do it again, because that’s how much i love my kids.
when i made the comment the other day, i didn’t really explain what i mean. yes, i’m pretty sure this will be the last pregnancy. if, God forbid, something should happen to baby j-bug, and we lost him/her, of course i would feel differently, and would probably want to try again. but if this pregnancy continues to delivery, i am saying we probably will not TRY to conceive again.
as i mentioned, we probably won’t use surgical measures to prevent pregnancy. but i won’t TRY to get pregnant anymore, like figuring when the time is right for conception, etc. if by some miracle we conceive again, i won’t curse God or anything! we will take the blessing and be happy with it! but we just aren’t going to TRY to conceive anymore. i hope this makes sense to everyone.
those of you who have been through HG hopefully know what i mean. it’s utterly debilitating. even when you’re NOT vomiting, you FEEL like vomiting. your entire world is miserable and ICKY. the time that should be joyful, isn’t.
don’t get me wrong. as i said, i LOVE my baby!!!! i am VERY thankful to be pregnant. i am extremely blessed. to conceive one time, let alone three, is a miracle. i honestly just can’t believe it. i cry when i think about how amazing it is, and how blessed i am.
i just know that this isn’t fair. it’s not fair to my boys. it’s not fair to my husband. and it’s not fair to me. it’s not fair to my mom, either, who has been helping me out like crazy!
it’s possible that we may still get our dream of adoption one day. anything’s possible.
even with the generic zofran i am still feeling horrible. not vomiting all the time, about 1-2 times a day now, but still feeling like vomiting ALL.THE.TIME. it is rare to see me smile for real, even tho the boys can get a small smile out of me sometimes. 😉
another thing that is totally making me an emotional basket case: the dr would like me to wean josiah. i don’t think he would have suggested it if my pregnancy was “normal” but since i’m losing so much fluid anyway, to give josiah some really takes away from me and the baby. it’s REALLY hard. i have been cutting back on the few sessions we have, and he is not handling it well. he SCREAMS and cries and pulls on my shirt and says “NUHHSSSSSS” and breaks my heart. 🙁 🙁 if anyone knows of any good weaning tips, i’d love to hear them. it is not going well for both of us. i’m just such an emotional basket case already, that when he’s so upset i don’t know what to do. any help to make it easier would be great.
well i’ve about spent my time, and gotten up a few times in between. sometimes i have to just go lie on the recliner and then come back. sigh.
please continue to pray for me. love you guys!