Thanks so much for joining us for our Encouragement for Imperfect Wives Series! We hope you’ll be blessed, encouraged, challenged and comforted all at once. Please let us know if you need prayer – we’d love to pray for you!
About five years into our marriage, my husband and I went through two years of turmoil. The big “D” word even came up. We are both Christians and believe that divorce is not an option but were pushed to the point of consideration. It was that bad.
We were basically living as roommates who happened to sleep in the same bed.
When I got married to him it certainly was not what I had envisioned for my life. In fact, on my wedding day I specifically prayed that the Lord would mold me into the kind of Godly wife, mother, and friend that He called me to be. I even told the Lord I would do anything He asked but that He would need to make His request of me crystal clear because I was a bit slow.
Life happens at a relatively quick pace; if you do not take the time to appreciate each other you will begin to grow in annoyance towards your spouse. What once was a cute behavior that made you laugh starts to drive you crazy and the annoyance sets in. It was pretty small at first with rolling eyes but then developed into a full-blown argumentative attitude – publicly!
The big bold letters means that is a big bold no-no in any marriage that wants to last. I was at the stage that I did not care what I did to him or how it affected him. I saw him as a disrespectful person, unwilling to help around the house, who thought of me as the last on his priority list, and only showed a hint of affection when he wanted intimacy. I know – harsh.
I was angry, cold, and bitter. I actually hated the one person whom was supposed to be my gift from God. “Some gift,” I often thought out loud in the Lord’s direction. And then I got put in my place by the Gift-giver Himself.
I audibly heard, “Who do you think you are treating him the way you have been?” It took me aback because I could not understand why the Lord was pointing His finger in my direction. Did He not see how my husband was treating me? I was only reacting to what I was given.
My heart was heavy with grief and I wasn’t even sure if my grief was because of my marriage or my relationship with my Father.
I began to see a great need for more prayer in my life. I prayed all the time. I begged God to change or fix my husband. I was so confused about what was going on. I rationalized in my head that we were Christians who were not supposed to have a bad marriage and that it must be all his fault because I had been doing everything God has asked of me. Little did I know.
The voice came again, this time with deep sadness and the type of authority that a parent has over a child.
“Do you remember telling Me you would do anything I wanted you to do? (There was not enough time for me to respond to any of the questions, they were clearly rhetorical.) Have you loved your husband like you promised Me you would do? Do you honor him with your words? Do you publicly praise or publicly chastise him? Is it your job to fix him or is it your job to fix yourself? Have you been the best wife you could be regardless of how he has been?”
WOW! Prayer really does work. I asked the Lord to show me what to do and He reminded me that I needed to work. I was being lazy, unloving, and judgmental towards…GOD! That is what it all boiled down to, I was not honoring God by being the wife He called me to be for my “gift.”
It was a lot of work and quite hard on the days where I felt I was the only one contributing. During those moments, though, He was faithful to remind me that I am His and He is mine. I needed to inwardly and outwardly love on my husband as though I was loving on Christ.
I am not going to lie to you and tell you there was change instantly but there was change; first from me and then from my adorable husband. We have since been married seven additional years and they have been amazing. We write cheesy little love notes to each other, go on dates, flirt via texting and coded visual signals, and have become a well-oiled machine. It has made us better parents and we are actually each other’s best friends.
I encourage you wives out there to love your husband like you would love HIM. If God left His socks on the floor every day would you let it crawl under your skin until you picked a fight or would you pick up the socks and let it go? God knew who you needed in your life; your husband perfectly fits for you – two became one. So, when you feel your husband is out of sync just know that you are out of sync with him. Be the best wife you can be for your “gift” and you will be showering the Lord with love.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” Genesis2:24.
About the Author, Sarah Ho:
I am a “saved by the blood of the Lamb” Christian. I have been a Christian for many years but have been convicted, by God, regarding my Proverbs 31 status. I am a wife of an incredibly sexy husband and a mother to four of the most beautiful girls you will ever see and a handsome son. I am not at all exaggerating! Well, maybe just a smidge. I have been married for 12 years but was previously married, which is where my two eldest daughters came from. It was my behavior in my previous marriage that made me want to seek God’s guidance with my marriage now. I do not have all the answers and am by no means an amazing wife or mother but one of my goals is to work towards becoming that for them. I want my husband to love, respect, and honor me and my girls to know how to be a Proverbs 31 woman by the example I show them daily. I am an author who has been called by God to display His love through my writing and I take that very seriously since I will be representing Him to a very unsure-of-themselves population. I have my work cut out for me. I love the Lord and yearn to grow deeper in my relationship with Him. Follow me on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram.