It was my Birthday and my husband took the day off. It’s always a treat to have fun days planned with him. He bought me this gorgeous sweater that fit just right! It was a big deal! I was having morning after morning breakdowns in my head because my clothes didn’t look right on me. Everything was too tight and I was so done with my maternity clothes.

My baby boy at the time was seven months old. It was my first Birthday with a child. God knows how long I waited for this day. (I was born January the 11th 1966. I’ll let you do the math.)

I did my best to make my tired frumpy self look nice! It was my Birthday and my age was bothering me.

(I have to laugh just a little though. I’m fifty now. My Birthday this year really made me want to hide and keep my age a secret.)

Let me get us back to my Birthday when my son was seven months old. I’ll share more about being fifty with a seven and five year old in a second.

My husband took me to my favorite place to eat and treated me like he did when we were dating.

Holding hands, flirting, and just being two little love birds. It reminded me of when we were on our honeymoon and filled me with giggles. People asked us if we just got married.

It’s hard to imagine that I was forty before I go married. In my thirties I started to think that maybe something was wrong with me and God didn’t trust me to be a wife or mom.

I messed up too much to be loved.

How cute the three of us looked when we got out of the van at the restaurant!!! My husband was carrying an oversized diaper bag and car seat carrier. On my right shoulder my cute son was resting his head. It was a joyous moment until…my son burped up carrots all over my brand new sweater from my husband. Sweater was ruined.

I went from feeling messy to beautiful to messy again. My life theme.

As always my awesome husband comes to the rescue and in his loving way he tries to fix it. He comes up with different ideas for washing it out. He also notices the look of disappointment on my face.

He pulls me in his arms and hugs me. He tells me how beautiful I am. He loves me.

My husband meets me in my mess and he cares. I’m an emotional person who struggles with depression, anxiety, and obesity. I get angry easy and I’m not the best person to solve conflicts with.

Why does he put up with me?

I don’t feel like a lovable person.

I have self–esteem issues too. And shame is so mean to me. Why does my husband love me?

HE JUST DOES! He understands brokenness. He is not afraid of it. He knows God.

Turning fifty this year seems so unfair. Why can’t I be a young mom? Would I be a better mom if I was younger? Why did God wait so long to bring me my husband?

My body is an aching mess and my hormones are wacky. My poor kids.

Am I lovable?

It’s really hard to confess all of this. Most of the time I’m a joyous person to be around.

That’s because the joy of the Lord lives in me.

God loves me!

I feel blessed because my husband has not changed the way he treats me because of my age. Our time of intimacy is priceless. We go on dates and I feel treasured by his sincere embrace.

My husband’s love has brought healing to my heart.

I also have to confess that when I’m feeling bad about myself it’s hard for me to receive my husband’s love. And this my friends brings stress to our marriage. It’s hard to be vulnerable. I have walls up that God is gently bringing down. It’s a bit painful. And so worth it!!!

I have come to realize that no matter how bad I feel about myself, God’s love for me doesn’t change. He loves me with an everlasting love. And that is enough for me.

I am lovable and so are you!

God does not condemn us.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish bust have everlasting life.” John 3:16

How would our marriages look if we stopped judging ourselves so harshly? How would we act towards our husbands if we accepted the fact that we are lovable?

We are lovable because God says we are. We are lovable because He sent His Son to die for us!!

Let’s love ourselves more by accepting His grace. Let’s be confident that God created us to be wives.

May passion burn in our marriages! May we receive God’s unfailing love!


Be blessed sweet sisters in Christ!

Lisa BrownLisa is a writer, homeschooling mamma, and pet lover.  She lives in Colorado with her husband who she has been married to for ten years. She blogs for Moms and enjoys encouraging others in their Christian walk.  You can connect with her at Me Too Moments For Moms.  To learn more about Lisa you can visit her here. To learn more about Lisa’s blog you can visit her here.

4 thoughts on “Am I Lovable

  1. Lisa, I’m touched by your vulnerable story. I’ve also struggled in the area of feeling lovable. It’s been a long and difficult road to begin to learn to receive the love of my husband and the Father. But Jesus is faithful, and as He has revealed the lies of the enemy that I was believing, He has been setting me free. Thank-you for this from-the-heart post!

    1. Hi Wendy – It is so hard for us women to realize how beautiful we are in God’s eyes. It’s crazy how we act out what we feel about ourselves. Thank you for sharing your sincere comment with me. I do hope that this honest post about me and God sets captives free. It’s yuck feeling bad about ourselves. I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me because I can’t see truth. I don’t what others to be lost in shame. Love connecting with you always my friend Wendy.

  2. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. It’s so encouraging and a great reminder how much God loves us. I really appreciated your words and your openness. Thank you so much.

    1. Thanks for reading Jaimie and I’m glad it was encouraging. I was hoping it would be.

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