Thanks so much for joining us for our Encouragement for Imperfect Wives Series! We hope you’ll be blessed, encouraged, challenged and comforted all at once. Please let us know if you need prayer – we’d love to pray for you!
My hubby and I are celebrating 19 years of wedded bliss choice today.
Truly, loving someone is a choice you make. Daily. Because although the euphoria of “feeling in love” is typically what leads a couple down the aisle, that feeling never lasts. Somewhere between mortgages, diapers, laundry and sick days, it gets lost. You won’t spend your entire life “feeling in love”. There will be days you would rather walk away, scream, or throw something at your spouse than work out a disagreement. Here are my simple ways to love your husband, simple things I had to learn, some the hard way, over the last 2 decades.
1. NEVER, NEVER, NEVER include someone else in your disagreement.
This means no calling your mother, best friend, sister when you and your spouse disagree on anything. What happens when you get someone else involved is that when you make up with your spouse, the girls may still be angry at him. And, then you have a different battle on your hands. Words, hurt feelings, and estranged relationships can and do happen as a result. Keep it between the two of you, and if you feel you must talk to someone, talk to the Father instead.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Eph 5:25
2. NEVER talk about him behind his back.
Again, this means no complaining to your girlfriends over coffee about a project he hasn’t completed, how many overtime hours he has to work, or how he leaves his clothes on the floor right next to the laundry basket, or how he burned dinner. Just don’t. He deserves your respect and gossiping about your husband in this way is never going to yield good results. If you are going to talk about your husband, keep it positive. “He made dinner last night, it was such a relief I didn’t have to”, or “I am grateful that he is working hard to take care of us”. Remember, you are created to be his helpmeet. He needs your support.
Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31:23
3. NEVER put him down to others in front of him.
Even as a joke. Only speak life, and positive things about your spouse. Again, he deserves your respect, and when you cut him down in front of others you are basically saying that you don’t trust him, or his decisions. Remember, he made the decision to marry you, so he CAN make good choices! You want to praise him in front of others. You don’t have to be superficial, but speak the truth about what he has done.
4. Let him be your hero.
In this day and age, women are fighting for the “right to be equal” to men. While I am his helpmeet, and therefore really his equal, there is something about allowing him to “rescue me” that makes him stand just a bit taller and hold his head up just a bit higher. This can be as simple as changing the tire or a diaper, opening that jar of jam, or being the shoulder you cry on when your day all goes wrong. He needs you to need him.
5. STOP correcting him.
This was the hardest for me to learn, to be fully honest. While changing diapers, doing laundry, cooking meals, or grocery shopping is my domain 99% of the time, there were times my husband had to do it for me. And, he almost never does it like I would do. He can think for himself, after all. I had to learn to allow him to make the same mistakes I would make, like not have the diaper as tight as I would, or get the “wrong” ground beef, or make the macaroni and cheese “wrong”. What I learned by letting go of my idea of perfection is that my husband is fully capable of being a father to our children, cooking nutritious meals, and getting food in the house. He didn’t need me to be picking apart any efforts he made. As a result, he is far more willing to do those things and I have learned a few tricks myself. I am truly humbled when I realized that I didn’t have the corner market on how top do everything correctly. And we are a far better team.
Just wake up each day and choose to love him.
Dirty clothes on the floor, unshowered, farty, and grubby him. He is YOUR spouse, and there is no one else just like him. Make that choice each morning to love, honor and desire HIM.
Hi I’m Heather. I love the simple things in life like family, gardening and food preserving, and I think watching chickens is far more entertaining than TV any day. Join me and my family as we get our “urbansteading” on and live life on the rural side!